A Vague Seed

I have kept this for approximately two years.

Briefly shared with a few people before, but I never revealed who.

But I really wonder why there is a strange chemistry between us – as perceived by me. One that is crystal clear different from whatever kind of bonds I have with other people. Okay, I am a selfish person and I would occasionally prioritize my own ego over hers. But still, never in my life have I ever been so sincere in wishing someone’s happiness, even though I am unsure whether my sincerity is taking expense at my own happiness or not.

For one thing, this is obviously deeper than regular-close-friends kind of thing. In another aspect, I guess it is too fast to jump into any conclusions when I am blinded with such confusion. I have misinterpreted “sympathy” as something more than it really is before – a sin that that I am still regretting even as of today.

But what bothers me now is that, whatever feeling this is, it might be much much more than what I naively believe it is. I am not going to reduce this special feeling into, say, something as worthless as “pure infatuation” or “spontaneous passion” or whatever some misguided kids nowadays has inaccurately fallen a trap into.

And guess what, they lost what could have been the most treasured person in their lives ever.

I simply do not want it to be a relationship experiment. Besides, positive affections have so many facets. They do not necessarily have to lean towards romance. What about an uber best friend? Or a sister I never had?

With a seed as vague as that, you never know what the flowers would look like. Roses are beautiful, yeah, but so are daffodils.

Sometimes I would wonder, though, if it is my responsibility to nurture this relationship into something desirable. Some flowers simply would never grow if you never watered them. Is it my own fault that I have not seen the true colour(s) of its corona today?