I <3 Studying No More

The final examination is just around the corner. It is scaring me to death more than ever:

I fear Forensic. I fear Astronomy. I fear Comm History. (fear them even MORE because they are consecutive exams) I’m irritated w/ IMC (why must do additional research? no time! and f-ck New Economy!). Above all, I wish I can quit Biz Finance. Okay with Media Effects, but I’m taking it on the wrong sem (Exhibit A: Walter Sim; Exhibit B: Ng Kaijie). Oh, I am sooo going to die this sem.

That is basically what I shouted on my FaceBook status a few days ago.

But the bad news: I am feeling relaxed. Like. So. Damn. Relaxed. When. I. Am. Not. Supposed. To.

It is not relaxed in a literal sense, but rather my state of mind. Although it is true that I spent a few couple of my early examination preparation days being a slacker, I have started to pick up the pace. I have done my mind maps for COM207 and COM257. Yeah, I managed to summarize the whole content of the Everett Rogers’ book (that has more “mumble-mumble” parts than actual significant history values).

I have been doing COM258 for all time long, still confused with the ambiguity of “relationship management” and still pissed off with the whole notion of “New Economy”.

But guess what, I am not feeling that sense of adrenaline rushing through my mind. You know, that exact feeling you have when your mind is telling you that you have finally grasped the concept and that you are starting to see the materials on a whole new perspective. It was the same thing that turned my fear on COM203, MB103, HE191 into such a rewarding experience of gaining new knowledge and eventually earned me my most satisfying grades.

The similar thing could be said with almost any other subjects that I have taken in the past. Oh well, except maybe COM202. But that is the exception rather than the rule.

Problem is… none of these stuffs I am preparing right now (except the SMU publicity campaign for COM258) is stimulating that same kind of adrenaline rush. It feels so inconvenient because you have no idea if you have truly comprehended the materials.

But the sad realization is that all these subjects (bar Business Finance, which has always a monster for me) I am taking this semester are supposed to be the ones that I would have loved had I taken them in my first year.

I mean, come on, Forensic Science is just so cool that you get to act like you are one smart detective putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. I have always loved to browse the Wikipedia for Astronomy-related topics because what is out there is always such a wonderful mystery beyond your imagination.

Integrated Marketing Communication was the air I breathe ever since I fell in love with marketing on my first semester. Though the lectures and tutorials have proven to be a bit disappointing, the materials nonetheless are still the chocolates of communication study. Media Effects is more of a theory class, but of which theories are pretty intriguing and made you wonder how all this different form of mass media affects individuals.

Communication History and Theories, as much as I whined about it, is not as awful as I thought it would be. Darwin, Freud, and Marx are as awesome as always. The last chapter about Wilbur Schramm sent chills down my spine. And there are some interesting things to be found among the “mumble-mumble” piles scattered on other chapters. Except the Chicago School, which four figures are still as relatable as Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala, and Po to me.

Everyone knows that I am a mugger – or maybe “I was” would be more appropriate? I have been far to relaxed this semester. But you see, inside my closet, I enjoyed all the courses here. Communication Studies is like the best damn thing ever. And I love my Business minor modules. And so forth for other subjects not coded COM202 and MB102.

But what has happened to me?

I <3 studying no more. No more sense of adrenaline. No more reading the books because, motivation for marks aside, you think that the materials are worth reading. No more passion for studying. So much deja vu to what was happening to me when I entered my first year of senior high school: all my genuine passion has gone.

I hope this is just temporary. Tomorrow when I wake up, I shall realize how interesting these subjects really are again. I shall realize how much I was grateful when I got these six subjects (despite consecutive back-to-back-to-back lessons two times a week and a back-to-back-to-back theory examinations) because it was my perfect schedule.

I gunned for these subjects. I asked for them. I thought they would be awesome.

And I should reclaim back my spirit.